Fuckhole Jones was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Fuckhole Jones, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Fuckhole Jones and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Fuckhole Jones! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a fuckholebeer.txt!" Although impressed, Fuckhole Jones's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Fuckhole Jones that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Fuckhole Jones says. "President Obama," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Fuckhole Jones says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Fuckhole Jones on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Fuckhole Jones, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a fuckholebeer.txt first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresseshis doubts to Fuckhole Jones, who again implores him to name anyone else. "Pope Francis," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Fuckhole Jones. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Fuckhole Jones and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Fuckhole Jones says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Fuckhole Jones emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Fuckhole Jones returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Fuckhole Jones asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Fuckhole Jones?' 
